Shifting into Alignment

I’ve always been fiesty, and mostly been myself.

Looking back at my past, I feel that I broke free of some traditions, but I also did the “right” thing….for others.

Don’t get me wrong, I put my desires first, when I knew what I wanted. And most of the time in my twenties, I truly thought I was living my life for me. But, more importantly, I wanted to be accepted. To be approved of. To just go with the flow, avoiding confrontation, and making sure everyone else was cared for and getting what they wanted, even if I was unhappy.

It came down to really simple things actually…eating foods I didn’t want so I didn’t offend someone, going somewhere I didn’t enjoy being because a friend wanted to, waiting around for someone to get ready when I’d been ready all day, hanging out with friends of friends I couldn’t stand...

And none of that really matters, but it made me a push over. I’d do anything. I was “laid back” and “chill”. Which felt good, I felt adaptable and cool. But I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t aligned with my soul.

I showed up as the good girl around people that needed to see me that way. I did what was normal, what didn’t rock the boat. I convinced myself that I can be who I want to be, I just won’t tell people that would judge me about that version of myself. I told myself it was for them, to protect them, to keep them safe and comfortable and to make sure our relationship was easy.

What a load of crap.

That is NO WAY TO LIVE. And ya know what? I WASN’T LIVING. I was dying inside. I censored myself daily. I was living a double life and it was exhausting.

There were things that I loved and wanted to learn about, like Astrology & Tarot & unique healing modalities. I kept searching for ways to defend and find logic in these practices so I could fight back when I was questioned. So they sounded “normal”, so these people in my life that didn’t truly know me could feel safe, could still see me as “good”.

You’d think at 37 I’d be done with that roos. I’m an adult, I’m married, we have jobs & businesses, we are doing the “right” things. But it’s hard EVERY. DAY. Sometimes I’ll look at my Instagram stories to see who has viewed it. Every once in a while, someone will look that rarely does that I know is probably wondering what the hell I’m doing, and I question myself. I worry they are judging me and I can’t defend myself.

I’m telling you this story, because it’s not not late, for any of us.

I’ve transformed Fibercation over the past year and I’ve never been happier. I’ve designed and created for years, but my heart wasn’t full. I didn’t care about sewing another pretty dress, or just making stuff to make stuff. Now, I’m incorporating things I LOVE and working with people I admire and learn from. I’m showing up, even when I’m scared.

It’s not easy when you see family or friends unsubscribe from your mailing list. It’s not easy to see that they no longer engage in my social media. It’s sad when they no longer ask me about my business and how it’s going. It’s heartbreaking honestly. Because a lot of these people have always been on my team. They have always supported me and been proud of me. But when I stopped being “good”, they disconnected.

I’m not sure how the rest of the story goes. But all I can tell you is that I’m living for ME. This is MY life and I’ve wasted SO. MUCH. FUCKING. TIME. Giving a shit what anyone wants me to do with it.

So if you’re reading this and you’ve been living for the people around you, STOP RIGHT NOW!
It’s NOT worth it.
Not one second.

My biggest revelation is about judgement.

It’s so easy to judge people, to say, “I would never do that”. To complain about what they constantly complain about when they aren’t doing things to change. To feel entitled because you are “better” because you made “better” choices. To feel morally superior because you advocate for a certain political party or movement. To dehumanize someone because of their beliefs & values.

What I’ve learned is that when I’m judging someone, it’s usually a reflection of myself. I’m envious or doing the same damn thing in another way.

Now, I choose compassion. When I find myself judging someone, even internally. I stop myself and find compassion for them. I don’t know their history, their beliefs, or life circumstances. I just send love. I have conversations with people that are different & believe different things. I ask questions and listen just to listen, not prove a point. This is a practice…I slip up, and I’ll continue to do so, but I’m coming back to compassion and gratitude for these lessons and celebrate my strength when I’m enduring judgment.

I’m grateful for YOU! I say it daily with the x33 Gratitudes bracelet I created.

I’m grateful for anyone that comes the the Fibercation space, for whatever interests them. I’m grateful you showed up. That you tried something new in one of our events. That you purchased a product. That you got a tarot healing. Or that you just came to see the alpacas. THANK YOU! Your support gives me the courage to keep showing up exactly as I am. Love you.

If you want to practice showing up in a safe space before you’re ready to show the world who you are. Join the Cosmic Moon Membership and let us life you up and show you how amazing you are…JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

With Love,
Rachelle